Friday, 1 August 2014

A few days ago we learnt how to show not tell our emotion with Miss Smith, we also looked at using third person, How do you think I went?


WILF
I will begin by describing what the characters body felt like.
I will describe what they were thinking
I will leave the audience hanging


His mouth was dry. he felt like his heart was going to blast, out. and he bite all of his fingernails off. and his head and his hands were shaking.
and he nearly died. he was quietly running, around. and his teeth were chattering. then he saw a big black shadow walk past. then he heard  banging like a giant was coming for him. then he heard the laugh like a clown and he was shivering.     



3 comments:

  1. Holy moly Joshua! Your expression is so wonderful that I got a bit frightened just listening to it. You did a super job of showing how your character feels without telling us. Maybe next time, you could write what we did in another colour because red on the blue background makes my eyes go a bit crazy! You are doing so well with your writing Joshua. Keep it up!

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    Replies
    1. Hi miss newton I red your comment it is awesome how you put lots of describing word in your comment. so I fixed up that red writing so it doesn't hurt your eyes.

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    2. Thanks Joshua, my eyes also thank you!!! I love your reply! Very thoughtful!

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